February 11th 2019

I hate not being good at things, but I don’t mind being “Okay” at everything

I’ve always struggled with being bad at things. I’m notorious for it. But something happens to me when I’m terrible at something. I get this deep inner burn that say just one thing:

“You need to the the best at this right now”

It’s split second but it has repercussions that can last days to weeks to years.

I distinctly remember a morning after a LAN party (back in the day). A friend of mine said we should play golf. “Great” I said. “I’ve never done it before. How hard can it be?” I thought. Fast forward 5 minutes and I sucked. My two friends were fine. They could hit the ball. But me, nope. This was on the weekend and by Tuesday I was in Sports Direct after college buying a golf club and some (golf) balls. I went for a five iron, and I came to that decision on Monday because I’d been Googling it since I got home that Sunday.

From Sports Direct I went to the biggest park I could find and practiced straight away. I spent the next few weeks obsessed until I could successfully smash that ball in a forward direction at a decent speed and height. Other than that, I had no idea about golf.

That was my golf career. It maybe lasted 4 weeks. Maybe 6 at a push. I still own the golf club. This is a recurring theme in my life. I find something that I can’t do, I get to a place where I’m comfortable doing it, and then it’s over. My drive for it drops. There are obviously things that have stuck. I’m constantly finding new problems with software engineering, I’m still loving to read non-fiction books. After a (very) long hiatus, I’m back skateboarding.

But it’s always a worry in the back of my mind, when I do get excited about that new thing. How long is it going to be this time?

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